There is no such thing as “lost love.” When people come into our lives, there is a higher purpose, sometimes beyond what our mind can perceive. The same thing goes for their exiting our lives. Knowing when to fight and when to accept the ending of a relationship is an art that only you can situationally perfect. Here, I am going to give you an outline of ways to take care of yourself during the process of as well as a ritual for dissolution. These things are helpful not only for break-ups, but also any type of ending.
The things you will read here will work with 100% efficacy if you do them.
Basic self-care is a must. When you are tired, hungry, amped on caffeine, or haven’t had self-pleasure, the pain of ending a relationships is going to be way worse. Here’s a list of things to keep as top priority during any dissolution phase.
-Get on a sleep schedule and make sleep something you look forward to. Use calming essential oils like lavender or chamomile in an infuser by your bed or sprayed on your pillow or eye mask.
-Come up with a morning routine that is fun and inspiring that you feel excited about doing before you get into work mode. Here’s mine: Write my dreams, 10 minute meditation practice, oil-pull, dry-brush, drink honey-lemon-ginger-tea, take a run or do other stimulating physical activity. Make one for your self.
-Do all the things you would do if you were going on a date. Stay hydrated. Floss your teeth. Smell good. Take a nap. Get a massage. Dress in ways that feel good to you. Prepare yourself for love. Get used to looking and feeling good for yourself.
-Practice self-pleasure for sensual enjoyment without focusing on achievements. Set up your room as you would for a lover and give yourself enough time to explore your body sensually.
Whatever you do, do not make any self-care feel like chores. It needs to be pleasurable in order to serve the purpose of healing.
Before starting your ritual, prepare you alter items and pick a time and place for your ritual. Have at least one item that represents something you’d like to integrate from the relationship, something you’d like to carry on with as your own and something you’d like to release back into the Universe.
Here are a few reflective questions to help you gather altar items for your ritual:
- Write out a list of what this person brought to your life.
- Write out a list of what is still alive for you from the relationship. This includes any of the dreams, visions, or shared goals that you are still invested in and want to do, even without the partner.
- Write out a list of things that you are ready to be done with from the partnership, including any of the shared goals.
Every ritual has a beginning, middle and end. The beginning will be setting the space and calling in the energy you’d like to have present for your ritual. Some examples: Burning sage, lighting a candle, asking for support from the unseen realm of spirit guides, angels, and ancestors. In this phase, you will also set up your altar.
For the middle phase, you will approach your altar and pick out the items for integration and place them somewhere with you that will be carried on in your life. Next, take the items that represent what you are letting go of and prepare to let them be dissolved. You can burn, bury, submerge in water, (if they are bio-degradable) or break these items.
For the ending, close sacred space, give thanks. I like to take a few minutes to be in the energy of the ritual for a little while and then journal on anything that comes up.
Here’s a video about ending relationships with a ritual.