The Making of a Man

We taught boys not to cry, toughen up, and take control. When boys are little, they are given footballs and blue clothing. When he hits his sibling, we say, “boys will be boys.” The bedtime stories and childhood mythology repeatedly points boys to be the hero and save the helpless girl. He carries her off to his kingdom and gives her a better life where he reigns as king.

When he is in puberty, he is taught that he is different and turning into a man. He is taught to watch out for the evil tricks that girls will do to manipulate him. Because after all, every woman needs a man to rescue and protect her and will do anything in her power to make that happen.

When he gets hurt, he is told to shake it off and is taught “don’t let them see you cry.” Any signs of weakness are strictly forbidden.

In early adulthood, he is expected to take charge of his life, get a career to make a lot of money. He should find a beautiful woman to have a family with and carry on his name by having at least one son. The lucky woman he gets should laugh at his jokes, let him make the important decisions and not question his authority. Because after all, he is the man.

This is an oversimplification … or is it?

When we see the bigger picture and the cycles humanity takes in assigning meaning to life, there is no way to hate any group of beings. Patriarchy is not a man’s issue, it is not one-sided and it was not created by itself. The polarity of mother/father has it’s plus and minus points in the history of humanity. We all have benefited and suffered by the hand of this polarity.

I see men as a reflection of myself. I love myself. Why would I not love men?

I have been molested, shot at, beaten, thrown out of a moving vehicle, cheated on and raped by men. In my pain and agony over these events, I see the pain and agony of the ones who acted out their rage and feelings of hopelessness. The patriarchy that abused and disempowered women simultaneously abused and disempowered men by taking away their range of expression and teaching them to take power over life in order to survive.

Science and religion were created to control and dominate nature.

Men don’t want to hurt women. They want to embrace and be embraced by women. They want to connect with the part of themselves that is woman. In merging with a woman, there is a sense of love and acceptance of this womb energy that has been silenced by patriarchy.

“Don’t speak unless spoken to.”

We have been disenfranchised from our own vital power and sexuality. We have been raised to believe that the opposites sex has something we need and cannot provide for ourselves. We act out of desperation to have those needs met.

Get intimate with reality. Be fully present for what is arising in you before your mind starts mansplaining and narrating the stories. Own your part in creating our current collective reality. Men are doing exactly what we have expected them to do. Drop the expectations and allow them to show up as they are.

When we become intimate with reality, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, we all have hurt each other trying to get something we never lost. Build yourself a bridge to other side and befriend the one you fear. S/he wants to be seen. 

Intimacy as Art

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