Rising into Mastery

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Everyone has innate talents, gifts, and programming just by virtue of being born. Using the imagery of the south node and the Moon, we can begin to communicate with and understand more about those innate talents, gifts and programs. We excel at these things and don’t have to work or try very hard in this particular area, but can also become addicted to doing life from this skill set. In contrast, we all have something that we came to Earth school to learn about and become the master of. If you stay solely identified with your “Moon things,” you won’t be on your growth edge. You may be comfortable for a while, but at some point, we all must progress towards another aspect of existence.

In order to know what particular mystery school your south and north node are assigned to, you need to know your birth time. The lunar nodal axis of the Moon will be in the same sign throughout the entirety of a year while changing house positions frequently throughout the day. Knowing the exact time also help to clarify what was on the horizon in the sky the moment you were born. This is known as the Ascendant or rising sign. By looking at the rising sign and the north node, we can start to explore new and progressive areas of life, specific to where you are going with respect to where you have been; from the context of the south node and Moon.

If you do not know your exact birth time, you can use the following pages to explore possibilities of what your rising sign may be. The rising sign is something that is extra challenging for you, shows up in relationships, and is your growth edge or learning curve in life. It is what you came to Earth school to learn and become the master of. Typically, what you most love and reject in others is related to your rising sign.

The rising sign is always in the 1st house and is the investigation into, “Who am I?” In the 7th house we investigate, “Who are you?” This polarity is known as the relationship axis and gives clues about your bottom line for relationship with a beloved. There are six different pathways for relationship although our current societal structure only recognizes two of them. Discovery of your rising sign simultaneously brings more clarity around your love life.

Read through the list with an open mind and heart. Don’t think too much into it and practice listening to your body’s reaction to the information. You may resonate with many of the signs because after all, you are a little of all of them in various combinations. But the one that hits with a bigger visceral response is more likely to be your rising sign.

 

  1. Aries Rising:

Learning to master the warrior archetype and having a worthy cause to committed to and fiercely protect.

Oscillates between being too direct or “mean” and people pleasing with lots of fight/fire in interactions with people.

Annoyed by: Angry people, sassiness, fast talkers, activists, weaklings, sheep, followers.

Most impressed by: Physical strength and longevity. Political power. Successful carriers of a cause. Professional athletes.

Attracts: Attorney types with mediation mentality. People who listen well and validate everyone’s opinion. People who are interested in conscious, co-creative relationships between groups of people, small and large. People who are married or who have a desire for marriage. People who are clingy, needy, worrisome and seem to lack personal will or ideas outside of their closest relationship.

Challenges: Heartburn, inflammation, anger and heat related issues, liver health. Quick tempered, lots of combative energy and arguing with people as a usual form of communication.

 

  1. Taurus Rising:

Learning to master Epicureanism and appreciation of Earthly abundance, luxury and pleasurable experiences.

Oscillates between gluttony/having too much sex, food, drugs, and austerity/complete denial of bodily comfort and pleasure.

Annoyed by: People who seem to have things given to them without having to work steadily to earn or “deserve” them. Overindulgence, laziness, and inertia. People with expensive taste and fancy things. Also annoyed by people who misuse their body in harmful and unhealthy ways.

Most impressed by: Worldly success, riches and abundance in all forms.

Attracts: People with intense and colorful emotional life. Risk-takers, edge walkers and those who are intensely interested and motivated by sensual experiences.

Challenges: Heaviness, weight gain, taking more than what is needed. Water retention, puffiness under eyes, kidney health, stubbornness, afraid of and longing for intimacy at the same time.

 

  1. Gemini Rising:

Learning to master free creative expression and wants to knows about everything to have a broader range of creative expression.

Oscillates between fun freedom to chaos and confusion.

Annoyed by: ignorance, lack of creativity, boring people, rule followers, travelling wanderers, street people and those who “just want to have fun.”

Most impressed by: Well-travelled, intelligent, creative artists, and those who live in truth and self-realized freedom.

Attracts: Intelligent and well traveled explorer types who have a desire to experience and know as much as possible.

Challenges: Dizziness, anxiety, lost feeling, confusion, lack of structure and/or physical home, starving artist archetype.

 

  1. Cancer Rising:

Learning to master nurturing and care for progeny, whether children or projects.

Oscillates between smothering it’s progeny or not being able to let go when it’s time to. Can over care for others or not at all. Often forgets to care for those that are not in direct relationship with them.

Annoyed by: Mother/Father archetypes and can have unrealistically high standards for parents or project managers.

Impressed by: Good cooking, sweetness, caring for others, nice home, abundant garden or cooking supplies.

Attracts: the provider, stable partner, getting shit done kind of person who brings home the bacon and sets the structure for home and the future.

Challenges: Upper respiratory and lung health, depression, attachment, sticky emotions, phlegm, lives out a whole relationship in the mind and decides whether it was good or not before anything ever happened. Crabby.

 

  1. Leo Rising:

Learning to master self-love, self-reliance, and self-sufficiency.

Oscillates between self-loathing/self-hate and narcissistic tendencies or unwavering self-importance.

Annoyed by: Show-offs, ball-hogs, attention getters, people who stand out.

Impressed by: People who stand out. Fancy people with confidence and style. Royalty. Kings and Queens who are well dressed and put together.

Attracts: Big perspective, visionary types. People who are eclectic, intelligent and open to broad topics. Innovative, cool, in-their-head kind of people.

Challenges: Knowing the difference between arrogance and self-love. Being able to know self-worthiness while admitting that other people are also worthy. Can feel suicidal and fabulous in the same day. Unworthiness and feeling lack-luster. Dull and dead inside.

 

  1. Virgo Rising:

Learning to master the patterns of life and their sacred work.

Oscillates between balance with all things in their life and not knowing where or what they are doing with their life.

Annoyed by: Everything that is not in line with the pattern. People who do things for self-pleasure or personal gains. Unhealthy, sloppy people.

Impressed by: Selfless service, environmental workers, peace corps, cool, calm, and collected organization.

Attracts: Self-less service-oriented people. Universally loving, compassionate, healer archetypes, who are sensitive, empathic and/or psychic. Addiction prone lovers.

Challenges: Very hard on themselves, self-critical, overworking, emotionally insensitive, detached, headaches, body pain, low blood-sugar or other pancreas related health concerns.

  1. Libra Rising:

Learning to master the realm of conscious, co-creative relationships between lovers, friends, business and all community.

Oscillates between solely focusing on the other and avoiding or not having any “other” around.

Annoyed by: Politics that are not liberal, injustice, bad relationships, way too perfect couples, unfair relationships, mean people.

Impressed by: Political correctness, liberals, those committed to relationships, lawyers, freedom fighters, military and all other protector types.

Attracts: Warrior, dominate types who are direct and sharp. Action-oriented, athletic, can be jealous and possessive.

Challenges: Overly concerned with everyone else that they forget to consider themselves. Lack of self-care. Depression, feeling isolated. They cater to people so well and it actually hurts when it is not returned or noticed.

 

  1. Scorpio Rising:

Learning to master energy in the body, strong emotional energy.

Oscillates between being drained by others and draining others. Feeling fully alive and exhilarated or depressed and hidden.

Annoyed by: Energetically dominant people or those who are energy vampires. Also, people who are scared of the dark, scared to take risks, or just wimpy and scared in general.

Impressed by: Power, money, raw talent, and people who are energetically powerful. Intensity that seems infinite, little dangerous without getting in trouble and sex appeal also are impressive to Scorpio rising.

Attracts: Sensual bodied people who adore luxury and take care of themselves. Abundance of earthly pleasures, nice things and those who are physically delicious. Self-sustained, not needy, strong in body and mind.

Challenges: Not being able to handle the intensity of emotions; theirs and others. Liver health. Internalized emotional energy. Lack of trust in people. Energy vampirism; being drained and being draining to others. Not knowing how to source their own energy. Pushing the limits too far into pain and even death. Dark and heaviness.

 

  1. Sagittarius Rising:

Learning to master truth and evolution of consciousness. Life is a quest for expanding the boundaries of consciousness.

Oscillates between traveling too much and feeling trapped or caged in. The traveling can be physical or mental by taking courses or studying.

Annoyed by: Stagnant and routine-oriented people who seem to lack interest in learning new things or moving their station in life. Closed- or small-minded people who lack experience in other areas of life.

Impressed by: Other life questers who are living to learn and learning to live in ever evolving ways. Those who travel for a living, great philosophers, motivational speakers who encourage growth and evolution.

Attracts: Here today, gone tomorrow, creative muse type of people. Quick witted, airy, trickster, mischievous, coyote cats who know all the jeopardy questions. Attracted to those who know lots of random information.

Challenges: Adrenal fatigue, burnout, exhaustion, feeling lifeless if they aren’t traveling or studying.

 

  1. Capricorn Rising:

Learning to master physical matter, structure, formation, and being the boss or the elder.

Oscillates between being a dictator and wanting someone else to tell them what to do.

Annoyed by: Strict rules and schedules, unless they made them. People who don’t have structure or schedules. Anyone who tells them what to do. Bossy people really get their goat.

Impressed by: Strong leaders. People who “have their shit together” and “good head on their shoulders.” They love the standard of stability.

Attracts: Home loving, nurturing, good “parent” kind of people. Not necessarily a parent to children, but someone who is taking care of progeny in one form or another. Full chested and abundant in love to give.

Challenges: Being a know-it-all, too bossy, feeling like everything around them will collapse if they are not directly managing it. Depression. Heaviness. Reproductive health.

 

  1. Aquarius Rising:

Learning to master cosmic consciousness while in a body. Fully integrating spirit with physical matter.

Oscillates between being light polarized/out of body and being confused or tripping on how to be a body, usually rendering them strange. They are either trying to fit in, or completely out there like Nikola Tesla and other brilliant minds.

Annoyed by: People who are emotional, attached to details, closed minded, or limited by physical matters. Also annoyed with people who are new age, airy fairy, or light polarized.

Impressed by: Genius people with great ideas. Brilliants minds. People who value intelligence, higher learning outside of school systems. They love innovative and technology driven devices and the people who create them.

Attracts: Radiant Kings/Queens often with narcissist tendencies. Those who are self-centered and concerned with looks and grandeur. Big energy field that naturally attracts attention and admiration of many.

Challenges: Personality distortions, quick and sudden changes in concepts of self and other, feeling ungrounded in the middle world reality. Thin, uncared for body. Anxiety and nervousness. Jittery. Excess air/wind symptoms. Lacking physical power and vitality.

 

  1. Pisces Rising

Learning to master universal love, empathy and compassion for all beings.

Oscillates between overly sentimental and caring for others and shutting the world out.

Annoyed by: Saviors, gurus, physical or energetic violation, escapists, addicts, and anything that manipulates universal love energy for harm or wrongdoing.

Impressed by: Universally loving and “good” people. Loves the Jesus/Buddha/Mother Teresa archetypes. Self-less servants of humanity.

Attracts: People who are committed to working as servants to humanity. Intense love and desire to save and help animals, children, and any helpless or endangered beings while also being emotionless and unattached to the feelings of others. Also attracted to those who have the capacity and detail orientation to make compassion into sacred work. They set up or work with organizations like habitat for humanity, peace corps, etc.

Challenges: Escapism, wounds that seem to never heal, addiction to drugs and alcohol, unable to differentiate between visions, dreams and reality. Challenges with feet. Deep emotional wounding that seems to never heal. Maceration of wounds. Continually wet, in every sense.

 

Once you have identified or narrowed down your possible rising sign, think back to relationships you’ve had with partners.

  • What attracted you?
  • How you did you feel initially getting to know this person?
  • What were the challenges?
  • What were the blessings or gifts from this union?
  • Why and how did it end?

Do you see a pattern that resonates with the rising sign you identified?

This is not meant to give you another thing to identify with, but rather a tool for gaining insight into unconscious patterns. It is so much easier to change a pattern once you realize what it is.

Relationship Axis in Astrology Video

 

Yoni Egg Workshop Outline

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  • Feminine/Masculine represented in everything in nature and has esoteric connections to the cycles of the planets and movements of energy in the human body.
  • 5 pranas: specifically covering Apana, Prana, and Samana as inhale, exhale and the space between breaths as Shiva, Shakti, and all-pervasive expansion of consciousness.
  • Base of the spine and crown of the head hold.
  • Contracting and expanding your energy field.
  • Kanda – Bulb – 4 fingers below naval. Immersion into sensation of:

Root: Kanda

Tip: Tip of penis and the tip of clitoris and g-spot and opening of cervix.

Center: Perineum

 

Everything in the physical realm has an energetic or etheric double. No thing that we see with our eyes is without an energetic component. The sooner one realizes this, the better because this concept pervades all existence in life. There are said to be 72,000 nadis in the pranic sheath and three of which we place great attention. The central channel, or sushumna nadi, and the two nadis on either side, ida and pingala.

Ida:

  • Left brain
  • Chandra/Moon
  • Cooling

Pingala:

  • Right brain
  • Surya/Sun
  • Healing

Many of the aspects of a yoga practice aim to purify these nadis which allow more energy to move in, out, through and around the way it moves in its expanded state. Pranayama/breathing practices are extremely powerful and potent methods for bringing wholeness to your energy, body, and entire life. This topic is vast and I highly recommend researching before implementing a practice. Two safe and effective practices are kapalabhati  and anuloma viloma with the latter being more beneficial for balancing and purifying ida and pingala.

 

Standing Movements:

  • Pelvic floor exploration – massage hips
  • Power button activation
  • Separate ribs from pelvis – massage rib cage
  • Separate pelvis from head – massage head
  • Omni
  • Hip circles
  • Rib circles
  • Head circles

 

Goddess pose and 3 Wombs intro:

  • Pituitary/Pineal – spirit, future, light
  • Heart/Pericardium – Now
  • Uterus/Prostate – soul lineage, past, dark

Journey to 3 wombs and listening. Align. Timeless Now.

Singing Bowls and Shamanic Journey.

Warm up, activate and articulate the yoni’s voice.

Taoist 3 Gates:

  • Clitoris
  • G-spot, soft palate of the yoni
  • Opening to the cervix, telescope to the cosmos

Stay present with Now. Fantasy will project your energy out to where your attention goes. Stay present.

 

 

 

Vagina means Sheath or covering for a sword.

Yoni means sacred temple, abode, source. Encompasses the outer and inner portion of the sacred temple from which we were all created and birthed from.

If neither of these terms feels right for you, find another way to relate to your shakti throne.

 

Yoga practices:

  • Kabalabhati yoni breathing –
  • Spinal Pelvic Breathing –
  • Pelvic tilt yoni towards sky – inhale arch back, exhale press back into mate. Can contract and expand hands and feet with breath.
  • Lift torso off mat and notice movement in yoni. Lift head and notice movement in yoni.
  • Explore your connection between the 3 wombs in correlation to your movements.

Removal of egg:

Allow any dense energy to be absorbed into the egg. As you remove the egg, imagine rebirthing your Self into the world through your own womb.

Guided savasana.

 

For powerful images of the yoni and diagrams of anatomy:

http://www.jumakae.com/new-blog/2017/8/11/decolonize-the-womb

 

Yoni egg crystal safety percausion info taken from: https://medium.com/she-dreams-co/yoni-eggs-are-dangerous-and-toxic-a-practical-guide-to-choosing-your-next-yoni-egg-wisely-c2bf1d55460f

  • Any dyed crystal — Some dyes are toxic
  • Angelite — This crystal contains lead
  • Chalcopyrite — This crystal contains sulphur
  • Chrysocolla — This crystal contains copper
  • Fluorite — This crystal contains fluorine and other toxic chemicals
  • Galena — This crystal contains lead
  • Labradorite — This crystal contains aluminum
  • Lazurite — This crystal contains sulphur
  • Malachite — This crystal contains copper.
  • Orpiment — This crystal contains arsenic
  • Rhodochrosite — This crystal contains lead
  • Selenite — When dissolved, this crystal is toxic to the body
  • Serpentine — This crystal creates asbestos in its fibrous form
  • Sodalite — This crystal contains aluminum ( I almost sold one of these last April and had a “yoni sphere” listed in my store two weeks prior to writing this article)
  • Sunstone — This crystal contains aluminum
  • Tiger’s Eye — Contains asbestos fibers that can break off ( Sold a few no porous versions of these and use one myself. If your egg is broken or porous, throw it out!)
  • Turquoise — This crystal contains copper

You should avoid insertion of the following crystals for various reasons. Some crystals are repeated from the list above.

  • Any cracked or chipped eggs or eggs with unpolished imperfections.
  • Calcite — This crystal will dissolve over time
  • Chalcedony — This crystal is porous and will carry bacteria
  • Hematite (and other metallic crystals) — This crystal oxidizes with moisture and is prone to rusting
  • Pyrite — This crystal can convert to sulfuric acid
  • Rutilated Quartz — The fibers of this crystal could be rough or break off. This crystal can also carry bacteria
  • Selenite — This crystal will dissolve in moisture and is easily broken
  • Tourmalinated Quartz — This crystal can be rough and harbor bacteria

The Secret Life of Cups

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The cup patiently holds empty space while longing to be filled. The cup sits, restful and attractive. Yet deeply yearns to be held in strong hands and embraced by eager lips of the thirsty.

The filler of the cup is decisive in knowing what to drink. Sometimes the drink is not available and the filler must journey through treacherous terrain to obtain the soul satisfying elixir. The filler boldly stands up to any obstacle to obtain the most suitable drink to fill the cup. The drink unifies the filler and the cup.

When approaching the cup, the filler shows respect knowing that it is a great honor to be in the presence of such a miraculous creation as a cup. The filler pauses for a moment to appreciate the cup’s power and beauty.

The filler makes penetrating eye contact and connects energetically with the cup. Lovingly embracing every curve and edge with simultaneous gratitude and desire. The cup is receptive with an alluring pressure that draws the filler forth.

With firm yet gentle hands, the filler holds and slowly fills the cup with the unifying elixir. The cup receives the drink with a softening grace. The filler presses the cup to lips, and slowly sips, remembering that this could be the last drink. The filler pays attention to every detail as the drink moves into its new space. From source, to cup, to filler, the elixir permeates all.

The filler knows to let the cosmic mixing of energy occur to completion, so continues to hold the cup even when the drinking is done. The cup’s space vortex is spinning magical webs of bliss that nestle into both filler and cup. Both are deeply nourished and loved.

The End.

Contemplation:

How are you the cup?

How are you the drink?

How are you the filler?

How are you all simultaneously?

Fear of Intimacy: Message From a Man

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Why do you protect yourself from intimacy?
“As the representative for the delegation of men on earth, I would first like to start off by saying “We’re sorry.”
Secondly, given the enviable task of addressing how we would protect ourselves if given the chance to grow an intimate relationship with you, many thoughts came to mind.
With endless permutation of factors that could arise, rather I focused on three lenses of defense: The view of the man in pursuit, an overall societal view, and your divinity through said man’s eye.
For men there is a consistent call towards a fear of intimacy in relationships. Be it letting ones guard down, opening to vulnerability, or struggling to become physically and emotionally adjacent. As humans, we have torrid pasts that may consist of trauma in relationships from family or intimate partners. Growing up with absentee parents, losing a loved one at an early age, or being the victim of an abusive household. Subconsciously we can be drawn to relationships where spouses will allow or mirror this pattern of abuse.
When you get “iced out” after a moment of intimacy, it is simply the easier option built through avoidance mentality. It is a defense mechanism built in to eschew doing the real work required to be intimate with you. Through fear of rejection, unhealthy self reliance to meet all of your own needs is created. Life as a zero sum game. If you open your heart fully, it is too risky for what you would lose.
Addiction to new relationships is also a possibility as there might be someone or something just a little more perfect. For most men sex and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. Sex can be performed without looking in the mirror at our own frustration, regret, sadness, depression, anger, and remorse. Intimacy can not.
The narrative that has the most subliminal impact on men is that of our societal culture. Patriarchy is baked into the bread of our social order, which immediately puts your presence as a threat to our norms. Success and ultimately happiness are measuring sticks that in our civilization are proportional to institutionalized standards. First you get the power, then you get the money, then you get the women. Trophy wife, nice house, fast cars.
What us men fail to realize, however, is that these measuring sticks of happiness are built in a society that gave us a predesigned lifestyle. In a vapid culture of unnecessary possessions and broken sexual expression, the fallout is devastating. Massive increases in diagnosis of depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety all fall under the umbrella of social phobias and disorders that cripple intimacy. Fear of failure in interpersonal relationships and meeting the high need structure of emotional inexperience fuels low motivation and self worth.
And how do we cope with these mechanisms? Developing addictions: drugs, sex, lying and cheating. Measuring up to standards set by a society that emasculates self introspection slogs us toward this predesigned lifestyle.
Finally the last lens in which we build protection around surrendering to intimacy, the male view of you Anjani.
Your robust desire for vitality, embracing the fullness of the life you live, and the palpable aura that projects.
Mistakenly taking your fervor for growth and knowledge, as pressure that you want to change him.
You are an ambitious, entrepreneurial, intelligent, strong minded beautiful woman who shatters the mold of the traditional male breadwinner. The strength you bring to your practice, career, and family shows a love so deep, it can be frightening. “Brain orgasm dripping dopamine all over my philosophical matters.” Igniting this phoenix of desire is fueled through intellectual stimulation, which is something that must be cultivated and nurtured with intense passion.
Coming across as an expert in the art of sexuality is intimidating for men. As a Tantrica, your comfort in your own body can cultivate doubt and body issues of ours. Building up to feelings of inadequacy or performance anxiety, your ownership of your power through self reflection is daunting.
In the nethermost moments of intimacy, the body creates natural potent drugs such as dopamine, opioids, and oxytocin that create physical and mental attachment through pheromones. I have yet to meet another woman more in touch, and in control, of her body and its power. Through the physical experience, or the emotions conjured after, the divine fragrance of your essence is a faculty most men are unequipped to handle.
The value hierarchy men seek is perfection, while women seek wholeness. The corresponding acknowledgement and reaction in our life practice shows the enduring entity of these reflections.”


– M

 

The Making of a Man

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We taught boys not to cry, toughen up, and take control. When boys are little, they are given footballs and blue clothing. When he hits his sibling, we say, “boys will be boys.” The bedtime stories and childhood mythology repeatedly points boys to be the hero and save the helpless girl. He carries her off to his kingdom and gives her a better life where he reigns as king.

When he is in puberty, he is taught that he is different and turning into a man. He is taught to watch out for the evil tricks that girls will do to manipulate him. Because after all, every woman needs a man to rescue and protect her and will do anything in her power to make that happen.

When he gets hurt, he is told to shake it off and is taught “don’t let them see you cry.” Any signs of weakness are strictly forbidden.

In early adulthood, he is expected to take charge of his life, get a career to make a lot of money. He should find a beautiful woman to have a family with and carry on his name by having at least one son. The lucky woman he gets should laugh at his jokes, let him make the important decisions and not question his authority. Because after all, he is the man.

This is an oversimplification … or is it?

When we see the bigger picture and the cycles humanity takes in assigning meaning to life, there is no way to hate any group of beings. Patriarchy is not a man’s issue, it is not one-sided and it was not created by itself. The polarity of mother/father has it’s plus and minus points in the history of humanity. We all have benefited and suffered by the hand of this polarity.

I see men as a reflection of myself. I love myself. Why would I not love men?

I have been molested, shot at, beaten, thrown out of a moving vehicle, cheated on and raped by men. In my pain and agony over these events, I see the pain and agony of the ones who acted out their rage and feelings of hopelessness. The patriarchy that abused and disempowered women simultaneously abused and disempowered men by taking away their range of expression and teaching them to take power over life in order to survive.

Science and religion were created to control and dominate nature.

Men don’t want to hurt women. They want to embrace and be embraced by women. They want to connect with the part of themselves that is woman. In merging with a woman, there is a sense of love and acceptance of this womb energy that has been silenced by patriarchy.

“Don’t speak unless spoken to.”

We have been disenfranchised from our own vital power and sexuality. We have been raised to believe that the opposites sex has something we need and cannot provide for ourselves. We act out of desperation to have those needs met.

Get intimate with reality. Be fully present for what is arising in you before your mind starts mansplaining and narrating the stories. Own your part in creating our current collective reality. Men are doing exactly what we have expected them to do. Drop the expectations and allow them to show up as they are.

When we become intimate with reality, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, we all have hurt each other trying to get something we never lost. Build yourself a bridge to other side and befriend the one you fear. S/he wants to be seen. 

Intimacy as Art

Ancient Spiral of Death and Birth

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Pure consciousness merges with matrilineal descendants to create the embodied fractal that is me. DNA active. Chakras open. I am whole and complete. Ancestral wisdom pulsing through my veins. The breath of the One Breath breathes with me.

My flowing river of heart blood not separate from the divine rhythm of the God/dess. This river connects all daughters, mothers and grandmothers in an unending spiral of death and birth. My blood and sexual energy flow synchronistically as a vital messenger between the realms of life and death. 


Body-mind-energy releases to re-boot. I no longer feel the need to argue and second guess the innate wisdom of my body temple. My subtle energy and physical pathways are sanctified. Attachment to meanings I assigned to stories are cleansed by blood of the circle of grandmothers. There is pain and pleasure in surrendering to this ancient cycle.


I give thanks to my guides and teachers seen and unseen for grounding support on my evolutionary adventure. I honor and give thanks to the immense power in the flow of my blood.

 

 

Diaries of a Main Chick

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We love and rage in equal and monumental proportions. No half-steppin. Except when it comes to hidden truth.

Waves of opiates hit like oceans of pleasure and tsunamis of pain. Just when I can’t take any more, you tell me you’ve changed. And you did. For a while.

I want to believe my illusion. But …

You want to love many women just a little. I want to experience the depth of intimacy beyond human concepts of time, bodies and bliss. My pot is simmering. Stewing. Cosmic soul soup been steeped in wisdom and held in the center.

You keep serving up portions of my soup to the women you take naps with along your bohemian journey as the Gypsy King. Condoms missing from the night stand after that one time … where did they go? They used themselves? Now you live alone. No roommate to blame this time.

I don’t feel attractive. My inner sense of self has been crushed and destroyed. With your every love affair, fling and “just a friend” relationships.

Truth is, this has been our secret. You say you love me. I used to wish it were true. Love doesn’t need it’s light to be obstructed like this.

You tell me you want me. I know you do. I am delicious. I tend my temple of divine goddess embodiment like no other woman I know. My skin is soft like cocoa butter rose petals. I taste like jungle vines after new rain. My temple is always fresh. Warm. Inviting. Seduction in the way I walk, enchantment in my smile, love in the way I listen, look …

I definitely don’t want to put you down. You are glorious and I see you as God.

We all have neurotic addictions and ancestral distortions on our view of reality. We are here to elevate and see it all. Not to perpetuate the “sins of our mothers and fathers.” We are NOW. NEW. PRANAV.

Serendipity leads us to where we need to bee and to see what we need to see. Not always pleasant but guaranteed to be real. The obstruction to my view falls

down

and I see what I am to you.

Your beautiful, radiant object.

Never the only one.

Just the main one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How My Yoga Teacher Taught Me Love

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Like the sound made without the striking of two things, my love is pure, attuned with the source and knows no opposite. 

I have had many teachers throughout my life but one who illuminated my shadows around male/female relationships. He made me question everything I knew about how to engage with the opposite sex and taught me the meaning of divine love. Not through romance but by the example of his presence.

It was 11:30 and brunch was almost over. I sat down on the floor of the dining hall and was served the usual rice and curry. I begin to eat with my right hand and observe the people moving about. My gaze was directed to a man dressed in all yellow with his back to me. I watched as he served food out of a huge steel pot into to plates of students of the ashram. His movements were ethereal and he seemed to be floating on air. His skin had a radiant brown glow and his hair was lustrous. The moment I saw him, my heart jumped into my belly. The overwhelming butterfly sensation almost made me burst into giggles. We didn’t make eye contact and I soon left the dining hall. For the rest of the day, my mind returned to this beautiful and mysterious man.

A few days went by before I saw him again. He was teaching a yoga class to the guests of the ashram where I was taking a teacher training course. I was too shy to go near the yoga hall so kept a safe distance to avoid my awkward feelings. I soon learned that he was a  brahmacharya and was visiting the ashram to assist with teaching. I wanted to know more about him but couldn’t bring myself to approach him. One night before evening satsang, I was sitting in a temple practicing meditation. Through the corner of my eye, I noticed a man watching me through the temple window. It was him! I thought, “He must be interested in me!”

My mental programming was set to a view of western mating rituals that had zero foundation in reality. 

That evening after satsang, he came up to me and begin to speak. I almost fainted. Rather than speaking what my habituated mind was expecting to hear, he explained to me about my sitting posture he observed through the temple window. He recommended that I use the provided rice sacks to sit upon to help with comfort and energy movements in my body. As he spoke, it was as if God Himself were speaking to me.

I told a friend of mine, “I think he loves me!” She replied, “Yes. He does love you. Just not in the way you think.” 

Over the next month, I found ways to place myself in his line of movement in places he would be, which was not hard since we were living in the same ashram. I relished every opportunity to hear him speak and to see the light in his eyes. I finally decided to write about the feelings that were coming up for me. It turned out that there was nothing sexual there. My desire was only to know him. To be intimate through gazing into his eyes and receiving his wisdom. It was a turning point in what I considered to be worthwhile interaction between myself and another human being.

Over the years, I have spoke to him many times over the phone, corresponded through email and have even went back to India to assist him in a yoga teacher training course. The feeling that his presence invokes 9 years later is that of electrifying connection with my pure essence nature. He makes me want to be more of myself. To find new ways to express love and appreciation. I honor him as I honor myself which is how I honor the God/dess in all.

I thought I fell in love with my yoga teacher. It turns out, I fell in love with the One who was always at the core of my being.